I spoke about this earlier in the chronicles and I will say it again, I think it’s important for you all to know that I was NOT always good with women (still learning). Some of the stories are just too simpish or needy to write about. Today that is going to change. I want to share with you one of my CRAZY simp moments. This is a story that happened back in college. I was getting ready for a big Tennis match. I was going against a kid that I had beaten before, but the match was extremely close. For all you Tennis fans, the score was 7-6 (8-6), 5-7, 7-6 (11-9). That is as close as a Tennis match gets. I knew I had to be on my A game, mentally and physically. Tennis was big at this school. We would always have a decent amount of people come watch the matches (yes, we had Tennis groupies). During matches, I usually leave my phone in the locker room, but for some reason, I decided to put it in my Tennis bag. While practicing, I heard my phone ring. I went over to check the caller ID and I see it was this girl, let’s call her Ashley. Ashley was a girl that I had been hanging out with for a few weeks. I didn’t have sex with her yet, or didn’t get a blowjob from her. We just made out a few times. I was really starting to like her so I was willing to wait. I thought the feeling was mutual. She knew I would do anything and everything for her. Well, I was already doing that. Dinners, movies, concerts, etc. I would run out of gas to go see her (wait, did I just type that?) That’s really how much of a simp I was. I really did think the feeling between us was mutual. After today, that would all change. I pick up my phone “Hey Ash what’s up?” “Hey Reema, where are you right now?” “I’m getting ready for a Tennis match. You coming down to watch?” “Well, that’s why I was calling. Can you come give me a jump?” “You know I got you.” I hang up the phone and think of what to tell coach. This was one of the biggest matches of the season. He will not want me to leave, potentially be late and maybe have to forfeit my point. Ashley was about 25 minutes away. That meant it would take me an hour to drive and come back. My match started in exactly one hour. Fuck, I need to come up with a great
lie excuse. Time to find out…“Coach I have a crazy emergency that just came up. I need to leave, but I WILL BE RIGHT BACK?” Coach looked at me crazy like he would from time to time and said, “WTF are you talking about? This is one of the biggest matches of the season. HURRY UP and get back. Don’t make me come find you Reema.” I ran to my car as fast as I could and was on my way. While driving, I had time to soak everything in. Then it hit me; when did Ashley get a car? Everything we did, I was the one the was driving. Ok, maybe she just got a car. I laughed out loud thinking she probably just got a hoopty because it already needed a jump. I finally arrive. I call her to let her know I’m outside and ready to help her. No sign of her. Why is this girl taking so long? I call her again. She picks up and lets me know she’s coming downstairs. What happens next is something that I couldn’t imagine would ever happen to me. She comes outside with a DUDE! Can you believe this shit? I was in shock. I didn’t even know what to say. Still in disbelief, I hook up the cables and give this kid a jump. It gets better; he gives Ashley a hug, kiss on the lips, and tells me “thanks playa” and then just drives off. Doesn’t even wait for anything to happen. Again, shock is not even the word to describe how I was feeling. Were they still fucking when I called her? This dude must have been really long stroking it for his battery to die. Do I just leave her here? Do I go crazy on her for doing this to me? I knew the simp in me would have none of that. I didn’t have enough time to drive her home. I had to bring her to my Tennis match so I wouldn’t be late. The drive back is complete silence. Well, she tells me she’s going to be cheering for me. I think a tear even ran down my eye (haha). I got back just in time. Mentally, I was a MESS. Anyone that has played competitive sports knows you need your head to be in the game. All I could think about was Ashley in the pretzel position (thanks Little Lucille), getting railed by this other kid. Coach knows something is wrong with me. “Reema, this is not the time to be acting like a bitch (thanks coach). GET FOCUSED son.” I do my best to shake everything off. The warm up is HORRIBLE. I’m just missing all the shots I normally make. I’m warming up so I don’t think anything of it. The crowd is building and the match starts. I lose the first set 6-1. I can’t stop thinking about Ashley. She’s definitely not cheering me on. I look over at her and she’s smiling at her phone. Probably texting the dude from earlier. For some weird simp reason, a switch goes off in my head. I think that if I start playing well and the crowd is cheering me on, Ashley will look at me differently. I win the second set 6-4. I’m feeling good. Wait, Ashley is still not paying any attention to me. I win the next set 6-4 and win the match. Everyone is cheering and I’m yelling crazy things. The coaches/team congratulates me. We all plan on meeting later to celebrate another team victory. I expect a big hug and a kiss from Ashley. WTF was I thinking? We just walk back to my car in silence. When we get inside she says to me, “Reema, can you drive me to [redacted dude that hit it before]?” Do I have a super simp tat on my forehead? Of course she didn’t tell me that was where she was going. I had a strong feeling she was probably going to go have another few rounds of sex. That was the last straw, I had to give her a piece of my mind…Just kidding, I drove her where she needed to go and told her I would see her soon. That would be the last I would see/hear of Ashley.
Happy Kwanza, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navida. Enjoy this great time with all your loved ones. I will be back next week to chop up more game. Until we meet again….