“Get the fuck out!” Worst/Craziest Date Ever? Or Funniest Date Ever? My Night with Little Ale

I have yet to talk about a bad date experience since I started the chronicles. I knew my streak of good dates would end at some point. I just didn’t imagine it would happen like this. What went from a sure notch quickly became a night to forget/remember/laugh about. I will let you guys be the judge. For all of you that don’t remember, I met Little Ale while I was out with Mizzle. She was with another girl and they were rejecting guys left and right. I went right in with no openers, or pick up lines, just chopped up game with the both of them. I was able to exchange numbers with Little Ale. We started texting back and forth, with promises to see each other soon. I was just finishing up what seem like a normal day at the office. Then, my phone rings and its Little Ale. “Reema, come have a drink with me. I’m leaving town for a few days and I want to see you before I leave.” Sometimes you just have to give the people what they want. I get the details of what she’s doing. Wait, she’s already with a few friends. What kind of date is this? Fuck it, I’m not going to pass up sex with her. This won’t be the first time I was in this type of situation. I arrive at the spot of her choice (my first mistake) and this shit is DEAD. I don’t see anyone. I call her phone; it rings and goes to voicemail. Is this girl playing games with me? I make my way to the bar area and grab a greenie. I will drink my beer, give her that time to call me back and figure everything out. As I finished my beer, I feel cold hands across my face: “Guess who?” I immediately remove her hands and she gives me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. She introduces me to three lames guys and the same girl I met the first night. Ok, four guys and two girls (my second mistake). After about 20 minutes of group small talk, I take Little Ale by the hand and lead her to the bar. I use this time to find out the other lames guys. “So what’s up with this ratio? You and your friend are into some freaky shit. I’m not having an orgy tonight.” She playfully slaps my arm and says, “Shut up Reema! Those guys are just friends. I look at them like brothers.” I just laugh this off and calculate my next move. More drinks and small talk. Time for the dance floor. They’re playing some techno shit, but I make the best of it and we get our dance on. She’s dropping it low and pulling me closely. I go for the kiss, zero resistance. Some dirty dancing mixed in with a few mini make outs. I start to escalate in her ear, “I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you later!” She loves this. We dance for a little longer and head back towards the crew. I’m not keeping track of time and I’m already six beers deep. I need to slow down or this night is going to end fast. One of the lames guys decides it’s a good time to get everyone shots. Fuck it, I will take one. We make our way back to the dance floor for more dirty dancing/make outs. After a few more songs, I know it’s time to go. “Let’s get out of here, we have unfinished business.” She happily agrees, “My place is right around the corner. I just have to drop them off first” One of the lames guys decides to call it an early night. Now, it’s just the two other guys and her friend. She doesn’t want me driving. I’m tipsy and horny so I agree. We get in the car with me in the front and the two other dudes in the backseat with her friend. While she’s driving it hits me, “Wait, my condoms. FML, I left my condoms in my glove box” (third mistake). No use in asking these guys for a condom. Little Ale is trying to jerk me off in the front seat. The only thing on my mind is not having any condoms. We finally drop everyone off and pull up in front of her place. “Wait, YOU live with your parents?” “Yes, they’re sleeping Reema who cares.” Still tipsy and horny, I walk right into her parent’s home (my fourth mistake). We gently sneak up into her room. I make a quick joke about leaving the window open just in case I have to jump. She ASSURES me that I have nothing to worry about. Ok Reema, stop worrying and get this new notch already. Keep in mind, I still haven’t figured out my condom situation. We start kissing and she pushes me down on her bed. She unbuckles my pants, takes off my clothes and I watch her eyes light up as she pulls my dick out. “This is what I want!” she says. She proceeds to give me an incredible blowjob. I try to hold back but, oops, I release right in her mouth. She swallows those kids with a smile on her face. I put her on the bed and start doing my thing. I start fingering her G spot and before you know it, she’s letting out load moans, until she screams “I’m cumming, don’t stop.” (I have magic fingers)  “I want you to fuck me Reema!” You know I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I had to tell her. “I don’t have a condom. Let’s just run to the score and come right back.” I just wanted to get the fuck out of that house. She stops me and says, “My brother has condoms in his room. I will get one.” I patient wait for her to come back (I’m butt ass naked, my fifth mistake). As she opens the door, I hear an unfamiliar voice. The events go a little something like this:

Her Dad: “GET THE FUCK OUT”  

Really? I couldn’t believe this shit at first. I actually laughed

Me: “What?”

Her Dad: “LEAVE!”

I go to grab my things and this is when it gets crazy. I manage to put on my boxers, button half my shirt and say:

Me: “OK, let me get dressed and I will go. No need to yell.”

Her Dad: “Fuck that, just go!” 
 
He tries to grab me with his full force and restrain me. I push him, he pushes me and we start to wrestle. He hits me in the stomach, starts gathering the rest of my things and walking towards the door. The whole time Little Ale is hysterical crying in the corner. I gather myself and say to her dad:
 
Me: “What the hell are you doing?”
 
Her Dad: “Taking your clothes and calling the cops. I know what you’re up to.”
 
Me: “I’ll leave; just let me get the rest of my clothes.”
 
He continues to act crazy and then he pulls out his phone.
 
All I wanted were my clothes. My money, cell phone and wallet were in my pants. I didn’t care about the ride home or anything else like that. I just wanted my shit. I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to negotiate with this guy. I did the only thing I could. When I get closer he attempted to swing at me again. I ducked under, tripped him (thanks kickboxing lessons), grab my shit and bolt the fuck out of the house. My heart is now beating a billion times per second. I didn’t stop to look back; the only thing on my mind was to make it home. I continued running and got to the main road. I had to gather myself quickly. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but I also knew the odds were not in my favor. Black kid sweating, half-naked and running the streets at night. Let’s face it, not the greatest look. I manage to use a gas station bathroom, get dressed and call a cab. By the time I got home, I was still shaking and sweating like CRAZY. I definitely feared the worst. What would I do if the cops showed up? Fuck it; Little Ale and her dad don’t know any of my personal information. I made a grilled cheese sandwich, had a greenie and put on some porn sportscenter. After it was all said and done, all I could do was laugh. Something crazy always happens to me.
 
Afterthought:
I still don’t know why I just didn’t have her stop at the store so I could pick up some condoms. Would that have changed the events of the night? That’s something I will never know. Oh yeah, I have not heard/seen Little Ale since this happened. I will make sure I keep it that way.  

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About The Reemachronicles

This blog is about the great NY dating scene. My focus will be on improving your overall greatness, the online dating game, some fashion tips and just other random thoughts helping guys get better with women. I will even give you updates on the current women in my life. Get on for the crazy ride that is my life.
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3 Responses to “Get the fuck out!” Worst/Craziest Date Ever? Or Funniest Date Ever? My Night with Little Ale

  1. silly_G says:

    lol… and i thought dating again felt like high school 😀

  2. Ha! I still hesitate a little when the doorbell rings. Its like trouble always finds me OR maybe I just find trouble.

  3. silly_G says:

    lol. trouble is my middle name. love it!

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